Only Human
by TheRedButlerFan
Summary: Allen is bored, and finds a journal. He begins to read once he realizes it's none other than Kanda Yuu's!


**Hi everyone! Happy Yullen Week! Yay, it's finally here!**

**As some of you may know, I am participating in this year's Yullen Week.**

**This is the 28-29 Dec. Topic, "Only Human". **

**mini-summary: Allen finds a mysterious journal, and dives into reading it once he finds that it's none other than Kanda's! As Allen delves further within Kanda's thoughts and secrets, he discovers Kanda's darkest secret. But that's normal for people to have; after all, Kanda was only human.  
**

**So,  
**

**Enjoy~!**

**TheRedButlerFan**

***Allen POV*  
**

I watched as the order began shutting itself down slowly, readying itself for the night. I sat in the library chair, unconcerned- the library was open 24 hours.

The book I was reading was dull, and I felt unconcerned by the thought that my mind- and my eyes- were wandering.

Well, until I saw a small, black leather-bound book that laid on the floor.

It did have a lock on it; and a tiny one at that.

Looking around, I stood silently and picked it up. It was probably worth a lot, given the materials; real leather, silver letters in cursive that I couldn't read scrawled on the front.

"Excuse me," I said to a group of finders.

"Yes, Walker-dono?"

"Does this belong to any of you?"

Shaking heads answered me, and I smiled inwardly.

Something interesting.

I took a bobby pin out of my pocket and picked the lock carefully, sitting down behind a bookshelf so I couldn't be seen.

I picked the lock with ease; it was a skill acquired during my training days.

It opened with a satisfying click, and I opened the leather bound book and read the note on the inside cover.

_Kanda-_

_I know you are under a_

_great deal of stress from training. You_

_would be wise to write everything down _

_in this journal, __and I believe it_

_ would be good for you._

_Writing is a wonderful thing. _

_Yours,_

_Froi Tiedoll_

This was Kanda's journal, I realized with a start. Then, I snickered.

Kanda had a _journal?!_

This I just had to see, no matter my own morals.

The first entry was not dated by year, which was slightly disappointing. It was written in a messy, childlike scrawl, and I assumed Kanda must have been much younger.

_16/4._

_I hate my master. I hate this journal. _

_"Writting is a wonderful thing" my but._

I laughed. There were spelling errors, and Kanda was old enough to imply "my ass" but innocent enough to write "my butt".

I already found myself further immersed into Kanda's childhood journal than my previous novel.

_23/4._

_We found an Inocence today. There was alot of Level One's,_

_but Daisya and I mannagd. Master said he was proud, _

_but who care what he thinks?_

_29/4_

_Daisya is sick with fevar. Master gave us the_

_day off from tranning, just in case we_

_got sick to. It's boring here. I can't wait to_

_get to Germannie. Were going there next, Master says._

_4/5_

_We are in Germany. Master says that "G-E-R-M-A-N-N-I-E"_

_isn't how its spelld. How annoyying._

_Master also told us that its about time that Daisya and me are gonna_

_be shcooled in grammer and punkshuatun. _

_Iknow it will be way more boring than Italy (I-T-A-L-Y, not_

_I-T-T-A-L-L-Y) was._

_14/5_

_Are lessons started today. Daisya thinks he knows_

_everything, but hes relly stupid._

The next entry was dated the next month, June fourth. His writing was neater here.

_4/6._

_I lost the journal for a while. Master was angry with me._

_He's so annoying! He said my handwriting got better in the past month,_

_and my grammar / spelling improved, I guess._

_What does any of that matter, anyways? _

_I only care about killing the akuma. I slayed a hole bunch_

_of level twos today. Daisya's mad. He said I hogged them all,_

_and I told him to stop being a baby. Master yelled at me._

_Idiots._

_6/6_

_It's my birthday, and I don't see why it's such a big deal. I'm only 12._

_Tiedoll (I've decided to call him that) thinks it's "great"_

_and "Exciting" and wants to know what I'd like for my_

_birthday._

_All I want is to slay a level three. I told Daisya, that jerk. He_

_said that I wasn't ready. Like his charity Bell can do any _

_better! _

_We did find another block of Innocence, and Master was very happy. _

_That old guy has no idea how stupid he looks when he's happy._

_18/6_

_Tiedoll is taking us to Headquarters in three days. _

_We're going by train, and I'll get my own room._

_No more travilling, thank God._

_19/6_

_Trains are slow._

_20/6_

_Tiedoll, or 'That Geezer', as I enjoy calling him_

_behind his back, insists we'll reach HQ soon._

_21/6_

_We've arrived. It's huge! That geezer led us to our rooms._

_Daisya's is on the first floor, and he has a view of the cliff. It's_

_hilarious. He's really mad. I tried not to laugh, because my _

_room's on the third floor, and I have a balcony._

_We're going down to lunch soon. We have to unpack_

_first, that geezer said.  
_

_21/6 still  
_

_The head chef, this weird guy named Jerry,_

_made me this stuff called "soba". It tasted_

_really really good. I want to eat it every day!_

_Daisya said it's just because I'm Japanese._

_He didn't like it, and I said it's because_

_he has no taste in food what-so-ever._

I read for hours. The journal was so entertaining, I hardly noticed when the rest of the library-goers left.

After a while, I was about halfway through the journal. Four whole years of entries had gone by, each one making me eager to read on.

Kanda was now sixteen, and I was enjoying the fact that I was almost watching him grow up.

It was fun in a way that I'd never had it before.

His handwriting was practically elegant compared to his twelve-year-old hand, and I was entranced by it.

_29/8_

_This annoying guy came to HQ today. He calls  
_

_himself "Lavi". He bounces around like a fucking rabbit.  
_

_He's so goddamn hyper. I already hate him as  
_

_much as I hate that old geezer.  
_

_31/8  
_

_That baka usagi called me by my given name  
_

_today, after he heard that goddamn geezer  
_

_call me "Yuu". And now it's  
_

_"Hey Yuu!" this and "Yuu, guess what!" that  
_

_and he wouldn't just SHUT UP.  
_

_So I activated Mugen.  
_

_Komui was pissed, but who cares?  
_

_That baka needs to learn to leave me  
_

_alone, and it seemed to be _

_the best way to handle it.  
_

I chuckled. Lavi was sixteen at that time as well, and presumably just as or even more hyper.

I kept on reading as the hours went by. I was just about to Kanda's eighteenth birthday when I heard footsteps.

"Hey, Allen-kun?" Lenalee asked, walking up to me.

"Ne? Ah, Lenalee." I said, shaking my head a bit sleepily. "What is it?"

"It's seven in the morning." she replied, sitting on the floor next to me. "Were you here all night?"

"Nn."

I tried to return to reading.

_6/6  
_

_My head is killing me. I cannot believe  
_

_I let that baka usagi convince me  
_

_to go out with him to that bar.  
_

_I can hardly even remember what I did  
_

_last night, let alone try to imagine  
_

_what the drunken rabbit looked like.  
_

_I smell like alcohol.  
_

_It's disgusting. I'm now revolted by the  
_

_smell. I swear to God, I'll never  
_

_go drinking with t-_

"Hey, Allen-kun, what are you reading that's so interesting?"

"Nothing important." I said, turning my eyes from the journal.

"Is that Kanda's handwriting?" Lenalee peered down at the pages. "It is!"

"N-no!" I clutched the journal to my torso so she couldn't see.

"Is that Kanda's journal?"

"No!"

"Liar." she looked at me crossly. "It's rude to intrude on people's personal thoughts, Allen-kun. I'm ashamed of you."

"Okay." At the moment, I didn't care if Lenalee was angry with me. I needed to see this journal through.

Lenalee's angered tone was drowned out by Kanda's words, written in black ink with a swift hand.

_-hat rabbit ever again._

_9/9_

_I returned from my mission, only to be confronted by some  
_

_short-stack of a beansprout at the front gate! He has white hair  
_

_and a pentacle above his eye.  
_

_The Gatekeeper screeched about an akuma, so I  
_

_attacked him. Lenalee told me soon after that  
_

_he was an accomodator. I was embarrassed, although  
_

_I didn't let them see. I was so angry about being  
_

_embarrassed, I was cross with the Moyashi  
_

_and refused to shake his hand.  
_

_10/11  
_

_This strange feeling has been  
_

_happening lately. My heart beats really fast  
_

_sometimes, and my breathing starts  
_

_to quicken. It's similar to lust,  
_

_but not exactly. I'm not at all sure what it is.  
_

_I'm almost worried that it's a  
_

_heart condition.  
_

_I'm tempted to ask Komui.  
_

_14/11  
_

_I've realized that the odd sensation  
_

_only happens when that damn  
_

_Moyashi is in the room.  
_

_It's infuriating.  
_

_15/11  
_

_I was foolish enough  
_

_to consult the usagi in an effort  
_

_to make the odd feeling  
_

_stop as soon as possible.  
_

_He said that 'I have feelings  
_

_for Moyashi, and  
_

_I need to tell him quickly'.  
_

_Bullshit.  
_

_1/2  
_

_Whenever that Moyashi  
_

_is around, my heart jumps into  
_

_my throat.  
_

_ I can't tell him. Boys can't like  
_

_boys. It's not  
_

_acceptable.  
_

_28/2  
_

_Went on a mission with Lenalee,  
_

_and it turned out there  
_

_was no Innocence to be found.  
_

_What a pain.  
_

_19/3_

_The Moyashi asked me a familiar  
_

_question today.  
_

_"BaKanda," he said. "Sometimes, my chest  
_

_hurts- no, it aches. My heart beats fast and  
_

_It's hard to breathe. Do you have an ideas  
_

_as to why? And don't think I want to ask you,"  
_

_he added. "I just don't want Komui to  
_

_operate on me again."  
_

_I replied, "No. and don't call me that, baka _

_moyashi."  
_

_I'm such an idiot.  
_

I remembered that day with a start, and suddenly, I thought of the other day, when it had happened again. Kanda walked in, and I had the urge to tell him I loved him. I asked Lenalee about it, she said it was hormones, so I continued fighting with him.

_31/3  
_

_I need to tell him._

_2/4_

_It hurts to see him with Lenalee all  
_

_the time. They were, ugh, what's  
_

_it called? Flirting? Well, they were  
_

_giggling and talking to each other all whispery  
_

_and shit. It was annoying.  
_

_11/4_

_Should I tell the Moyashi about this  
_

_feeling?  
_

_I'm starting to believe that I must.  
_

_24/4  
_

_I have to. I swear, I'll tell him soon.  
_

_5/5  
_

_Moyashi can be such a pain.  
_

13/5

_I'm going to tell him tomorrow. I  
_

_can't lie to him, it just makes  
_

_the feeling worse.  
_

_Obnoxiously worse.  
_

I realized with a start that May 13th was yesterday.

Then, another thought: Kanda is going to tell me he loves me today.

I hurriedly flipped through the pages.

"13/5" was the last.

My heart was beating loudly in my ears as I used the bobby pin to lock the journal again, and I stood.

I rushed to the training room, where I knew I'd find him.

* * *

"Hey, BaKanda," I tried not to think of what I'd read. "I found a book in the library last night."

"Why do I care?" The elder exorcist was finishing with taping his sculpted chest.

"Um, Lavi said it was yours." I lied, a sudden blush creeping up.

Shock registered on his usually stoic face as he glanced at the journal in my hands.

I walked closer to him, staring up at him.

His eyes widened.

I leaning closer, my hand grazing him arm.

Our lips touched.

A spark occurred behind my lips, and I needed more. I had to get more of Kanda. I needed him.

All of him.

Kanda backed away a bit.

"You read it, didn't you?"

The question was hardly surprised.

"Every word," I replied, smiling softly. "I love you, too, Kanda."

I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him once more, and he gently kissed back.

**OMFG. I made the deadline at 11:56 PM, 12-29-12. How awesome am I?**


End file.
